Sucks, bro.

You can keep in touch with me on Facebook & Twitter, and I'm also on SoundCloud here. Cereal.

Below is approximately three years of ramblings.

Enjoy.

29 April 2013

Sydney Comedy Festival

There is a wasp in my loungeroom and it doesn't seem to want to leave. I really don't know what to do about it. I'm keeping the door open so that it flies out, but I'm starting to get paranoid that it's just going to call its mates and they're gonna have a big ol' wasp party while I sit crying in my bedroom cupboard.

My show at the Sydney Comedy Festival opens tomorrow. Can't wait. Melbourne was unreal. I sold out every show and got to put on some extra ones. Thanks to everyone who came along!

If you're in Sydney and you wanna check out my show, you can buy tix by clicking HERE.

If you're coming along, maybe bring some wasp spray. I'll be very grateful.

See ya soon!
Poice.

29 March 2013 

Still Broke

It's the second day of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival , and it's been so freaking awesome.

Triple J's Good Az Friday was dope as, and I'm seriously looking forward to hosting the RAW grand final in a couple of weeks.

I made this film clip for one of the Boilermakers mixtape tracks too. You can download all of the mixtape tracks from the downloads section. Or direct from Bandcamp HERE !

Hopefully, I'll see you at my show this month. Tickets are available by clicking the flyer in the post below this one.

I'm coming to Sydney Comedy Festival soon too! Tix are HERE .

Yeh boi.

Poice!

Brisbane was so great. Massive props to the dudes at the Powerhouse who know how to make a festival happen. Also, mad props to the chefs at the Powerhouse who know how to make a pizza.

I taught my dad how to text message while I was there too. A momentous occasion for everyone involved. You can see a pic of the event on my Facebook page. Just make sure you lay a tea-towel down over your keyboard, as you will likely cry tears of joy. Parents, huh. They grow up so fast.

I'm spending the next four days on a cruise around New Zealand, and if I don't freeze to death, then I'll be back for a week before the Melbourne International Comedy Festival starts again. If you're keen to see the show in Melbourne, click the poster below:

Thanks to everyone who made the shows in Brisbane so awesome!
Can't wait to come back,

Werrrrd.

Brisbane!! I can't wait to come home. I want to kiss you on your Southbank.

I'ma do mainies of Indro all day and night.  Show opens in one weeks time. Click the poster below and grab your tix.

(EDIT: Oh no! I just realised that I'm wearing exactly the same shirt in the photo below. How embarassment. That's not very cool, is it. I hope you don't think I only have one shirt. I have heaps more than one shirt. I have, like, three or four shirts. And a singlet. I also own a pair of Ninja Turtles socks that I've owned forever, although I can't seem to find one of them. Anyway, depending on what night you're coming, I might be wearing it, and if you ask after the show, I will give you a lil peak. It's a Michelangelo sock. Back then, I used to think he was the best ninja turtle, but as I've grown older, I've realised that you can't be (or rely on) a party-dude all the time, and eventually you have to stop - especially when you start hanging out in sewers and talking to kung-fu rats. I've since started to appreciate Donatello more. Rafael is still a dick though. That home-turtle needs to chill out...)

See you at the show!
Werrrd.

11 Feb 2013

Just came back from the Scarborough Beach "Comedy Under the Stars" gig, and it was bidniz.
Sometimes I wonder if I should move to Perth because it has such nice beaches. Then I remember that I'm terrified of jellyfish and wouldn't ever go swimming anyway. Damn.

This is a shot of Ronny Chieng on stage. Me and Ronny spent 2 months touring together last year, so we've gotten pretty good at it. We spend 98% of our time trying to explain why each of our phones is better than the other. He won this round because he bought a water-proof case for his phone, so we lost an afternoon listening to music underwater at the hotel pool.

The next day our manager's cousin picked us up and had us over at his house for a birthday. He was hands-down one of the biggest dudes I've ever seen and he had "Everyday I'm Hustlin'" blasting in his car and we drove to the beach. For a few moments, I felt as close to being a gangster as a middle-class kid from Brisbane can possibly feel... that is, until I refused to go swimming because of jellyfish:

We had some beers on his balcony looking out over the river in North Fremantle before going inside to watch an NBA replay. All the guys knew what was going on, and my limited knowledge 1995 Jordan-era NBA Cards only just squeezed me through the chat that was flying around the room.

This is Ronny using his mind to make everything turn white. He is kinda like the dad for Firestarter.

We did a gig at Little Creatures, and then went back into town to an after-party for the Laneway Festival that turned out to not really be an afterparty for Laneway Festival. We ended up at McDonalds, and while I was shamefully wrist-deep in fries, a couple of European dudes walked in with a basketball. Some smack talk was exchanged, and before I knew it, someone in our party had brazenly wagered $100 on who could win a late-night basketball game.

Finding a basketball court in Perth at 1:30am is not easy, so they settled for a netball hoop that they found somewhere. I watched from the other side of the gate. I didn't watch til the end, and I'm glad I didn't, seeing as my friend lost $100. Haha. Sucks, bro.

"Schooled by Europeans" could very well be my next album title.

Good times, WA.

Cereal.

27th Dec 2012

The Mixtape -  So I spent the last part of the year making a hip-hop mixtape. I spent a lot of time in my home and various hotel rooms around the world, writing, recording, and mixing this, so give it a listen. You might like it. 

 

5th Dec 2012

Being Black n Chicken n Shit DVD

Wattup! So my DVD has finally come out. You can grab it at JB Hi-Fi. I've never met JB personally but if you run into him, say hello for me.

Or.... Click the pic below to buy/rent it from iTunes right now!

Opera House and DVDs...

We partied a little after the Aziz Ansari gig in Melbourne. Just a little. I'm used to doing my gig and getting on a bus to go home, but they invited a whole bunch of people backstage and we all spent the better part of an hour drinking whiskey and talking about the gig. It was the bidniz.

Then, when the party was winding down, I ran off with my hoodie up, because I secretly wanted to go and eat dumplings and hand-pulled noodles like a b'dabs, and I didn't want anybody to see my shame.

Word to Dumpling Houses: Your products are delicious, but sometimes you really only need to do half-serves. I can't eat 15 dumplings, no matter how delicious. Not especially if you want me to order the noodles.

Man I love dumplings and noodles.

After travelling around most of the world this year, it's come to my attention that the best dumplings and hand-pulled noodles I've ever had are from the little place in Sydney near Chinatown where the guy plays beautiful, peaceful music out the front, and then when you're in side, they scowl at you if you so much as put your chopsticks down to take a breath. In, out. In, out. I love it.

(insert play on words here...)

 My DVD is coming out in December. Anthony Salame stars heavily in the extras, and he is a total BOWSSS! So funny. Can't wait for it to come out.

Also - I'm working on a new Disco-Matt mix tape. Yes, I'm still trying to rap. Yes, I know I'm a try hard. Yes, it will be the deeeznutz. Can't wait!

India tour starts soon. First 2 weeks of November. Can't wait.

Brrrrap!

World Tour 2012...

I'm listening to the worst hip-hop song I think I've ever heard right now. It's straight-up awful.

It's two hours until my show and I'm aimlessly wandering the streets of YouTube when I should really be doing some work. Listening to Turquoise Jeep (who I am beginning to think are the voice for a generation) is really not 'research'.

Soho has been so dope. The gigs at the Soho Theatre have been amazing. The crowds have been awesome. The staff are all so supportive. And the restaurants around the area are so fully sick that I haven't really left the suburb. Dan Townes told me that just staying in Soho while you're in London is like just staying in Circular Quay if you were visiting Sydney. I'm taking that as a positive, because Circular Quay is really quite nice. It's like, do I really need to be stabbed on a late-night tube on a night-bus to Brixton to really get a taste of a city? I prefer eating meat in quaint but modern settings.

I just had to look up the definition of quaint.

Two weeks to go and then I'm home for the filming of some extras for my DVD, and a 'work in progress' show at the Sydney Fringe Festival called Broken Diamond House. Tix are only $10 which is an absolute steal, especially if you steal them.

Don't steal them.

So far it's been sunny way more than it's rained. Which is definitely a good thing, because my thongs are really not wet-weather vehicles. If my thongs were an ad for tyres, they'd be the example of tyre that you don't want because they slip everywhere.

Holy crap.

I've just had an idea....

Tyre Thongs.

You're welcome.

Still a week and a half left of shows in London. Hope you can make it! And thanks to everyone who's already come!

Poice.

So Soho...

Just a quick note to be letting everyone know that I'm doing my show Being Black n Chicken n Shit at the Soho Theatre in London from 13th - 26th August, 2012.

Cereal.

On my way to London, I'll be doing a week of gigs in Singapore & Hong Kong with the Melbourne Comedy Festival Roadshow, and then from there I'll be going to Canada and New York for a couple of gigs, and then to Edinburgh to check out the Fringe Festival for the first time.

Should be BOSS.

If you know anyone who is in London, let them know that I'll be there for two weeks from 13th - 26th August. Tell them, if they want tickets, they should say "Barnacle Poo" and then blink twice at the box office person. This won't get them any free tickets, but it will be pretty amusing to anyone watching.

Click HERE to get on board, yo!

Werrrrd.

Melbourne, Sydney, Block Party, Roadshow...

The Melbourne Comedy Festival is something else.

It's so crazy that you can be inside this entity for an entire month that seems to go forever. This tornado of fully sick comics, and parties, and late-night shows, and paranoia, and good / bad reviews, and ticket sales stress, and awards, and disappointments, and then you finally come home and it all just seems like a distant memory, and that everyone else has hardly even noticed you were gone.

I won the MICF Best Newcomer award for my show Being Black n Chicken n Shit . Myself and Ronny Chieng actually tied-won. The past winners of that award have received a return trip to the UK. Because me and Ronny both won, I hope they don't just split the prize and give us two one way tickets. If that happens, I'll be a touch suspicious that maybe this was all just an elaborate scheme by the government to get us deported.

A lot of other stuff has happened since my computer broke and I haven't been able to update this page, but it all escapes me right now. The only thing that I can really think about right now is the little piece of chicken sandwich caught between two of my back teeth. This is a job for "Toothpick Man", the world's least-respected superhero. I'd respect him right now though. Very much.

Sydney Comedy Festival is upon us and it's going to be a lot of fun too. Anthony Salame and I are going to be hosting the first official Sydney Comedy Festival Block Party which is going to be so dope that it won't be able to get through customs. Dinnertime Duke is even going to come down to bust out a Disco-Matt set with me. LIKE A BOSS.

Tix to my solo show - The Voyager Record - are available HERE.

Tix to the SCF Block Party are available HERE. 

Then I'm on the road for two weeks in QLD for MICF Roadshow... Damn I love Roadshow. I'm also touring Singapore & Hong Kong in July. That'll be sweet. I am going to eat a whole country. I haven't decided which one yet.

Oh, and a new Disco-Matt mixtape is coming....

Brace yo'self....

cereal.

Keep it real, homies.
 

I probably will.

Everything will be going fine, and then the word 'spaz' will slip out.

Yikes.

Also - in good news, The Future Machine is going to the International TV Festival in LA. I'm just glad because now I finally have something to tell the guys serving me at the soup van tonight.

Cereal.



p.s. I was joking about the 'spaz' thing so don't bother getting all MAC on me. I'm full PC, yo. Cereal.
 

Can you please follow me on Twitter?

Cheers.

It's @mattokine. Or just click on the button at the top of this page.

Hey, I'm doing a show at the Sydney Fringe Festival 2011. It's going to be called "Bullets & Bearsuits", and I can assure you that it'll be so fully sick that you'll be octo-dropping panadols for a week. Check it out HERE.

Cereal, bro.

Also, I just got a "HIGHLY COMMENDED" in the Urban category at the Queensland Music Awards 2011 for a song I wrote last year. It's called "The End". You can listen to it below. Or listen to all my tracks at The Boilermakers.

Do it. 
Disco Matt MC - The End by The Boilermakers

xoxo
Gossip Girl.
 

I have two shows coming up that are going to be

Fully.

Sick.

Bro.

Show One: Disco-Matt is supporting Evil Eddie at the Step Inn in Brisbane this Friday night (17th June, 2011). Tix are only $15 on the door. I'm on stage at 8:30pm. If you're late, I'll smash ya. Dinnertime Duke is currently accepting Groupie applications. GOOD LOOKS NOT REQUIRED.

Smang.

Show Two: On the 2nd July I will be doing a replay of my Sydney Comedy Festival show, "Being Black N Chicken N Shit" at the Sydney Comedy Store. Tickets are available HERE. You should come along.

Yes.

You.

Hope you can make it!

XOXO
Disco.
Boilermakers.

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